You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
