Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
