This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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