Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
