I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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