It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
