I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
there's paper in my vomit.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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