I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
