I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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