I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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