is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
