I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize