I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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