I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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