She is in my trunk
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
They are going to name an STD after you.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
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