will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
