Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
wanna go halves on a baby?
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
