Sponge bath it is.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
