I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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