I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
