Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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