plz talk dirty to me
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
