He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
