**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
