My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
