wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
