my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
