When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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