Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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