found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
