Where are you?
In a non slutty way
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
