a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
