Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
