Who did Billy Mays play for?
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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