Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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