he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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