so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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