I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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