HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
