i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Randomize
