I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize
