your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
