i need an iv and a liver transplant
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
she pinky promised me she was 18
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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