Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
