He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Randomize
