and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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