how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
