I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Randomize
