I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
