He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
